ManageYourEmotionsBook8.5x5.5_RevJULY.indd

BEFORETHEYMANAGEYOU...

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© 2019 Copyright Todd Gaddis, Dallas, GA All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced or utilized in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, or by any information storage and retrieval system, without permission in writing from the publisher.

All Scripture quotations, unless otheiwise indicated, are taken from the NEW AMERICAN STANDARDBIBLE@, Copyright©1960, 1962, 1968, 1971, 1972, 1973, 1975, 1977, 1995 by The Lockman Foundation.

Special thanks goes out for the following: Printing - Graphic Media Solutions; Villa Rica, GA Editors - Linda Crew, Eddy Oliver, Ashley Perry Cover Design - Ashley Perry Author can be reached at jtoddgaddis@gmail.com

The author is well aware that some issues in this work are medically related and often require the attention of a physician. His training is in Theology and he in no way is offering medical advice.

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Table of Contents

1. Did God Really Say?.............................................1 2.The Jeopardy of Jealousy .......................................9 3. Only the Lonely .................................................17 4.Anger’s Dangers .................................................25 5. Get Better Not Bitter . .........................................33 6. FacingYou Fear ..................................................41 7.Win overWorry . ................................................49 8. Defeating Depression . .........................................57 9. From Stressed to Blessed ......................................63 10. Battling Boredom ..............................................71 11.Advance beyond Apathy . .....................................79 12.The Necessity of Conviction (a.k.a. Good Guilt) ........87 13.The Malady of Condemnation (a.k.a. Bad Guilt) .........95 14.You Might Be a Perfectionist if.... ...........................103 15. Fearfully andWonderfully Made ............................111 16. Good Grief .....................................................119 Appendix I. ..........................................................127 Endnotes. ............................................................131

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1 Did God Really Say…?

“Did God really say,‘You must not eat from any tree in the garden’?” (Genesis 3:1 NIV).

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E ighteenth century German writer and statesman Johann Wolfgang von Goeth once said, “Give me the benefit of your convictions, if you have any; but keep your doubts to yourself, for I have enough of my own.” 1 We all struggle with our doubts from time to time in this crazy, mixed up, fallen world in which we reside. From insignificant matters like our team winning the game to significant issues such as heaven and hell, we all find ourselves feeling our way through the fog at one time or another.The truth is, we struggle with doubt because we have an arch-enemy who thrives on messing with our minds, conjuring up as much doubt as he possibly can. It’s a favorite tactic of his, one he’s been using since he entered into the serpent in the Garden of Eden. The first two chapters of Genesis deliver in detail an account of Creation, capped off by God’s performance of history’s first wed- ding ceremony.The situation quickly turned south, though, when sin

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entered the picture, leading to mankind’s fall. As we work our way through the central text for this chapter, Genesis 3:1-7, note first the source of doubt – the devil himself. A victim of pride and ambition, Lucifer usurped God’s au- thority and was kicked out of heaven, along with millions of lesser angels who bought into his way of thinking and wound up serving as his henchmen.Taking up residence in the garden and morphing into a crafty serpent, Satan preyed upon Eve and then posed upon her the question, “Did God really say,‘You must not eat from any tree in the garden’?” (Genesis 3:1, NIV). God had indeed commanded Adam previously, “From any tree of the garden you may eat freely; but from the tree of the knowledge of good and evil you shall not eat, for in the day that you eat from it, you will surely die” (Genesis 2:16-17). Realizing the effectiveness of creating doubt in a person’s mind, the serpent followed up his question to her with a lie, telling Eve, “You surely will not die! For God knows that in the day you eat from it your eyes will be opened, and you will be like God, knowing good and evil” (3:4-5). Such a tactic should come as no surprise, since Jesus later called Satan “a liar and the father of lies” (John 8:44).Also note that the devil sold Eve on the same desire that got him kicked out of heaven – that she would be “like God.” One of the main reasons so many in our society, believers in- cluded, function in such a deluge of doubt is because they’ve bought into the devil’s lies. Many feel as though God is holding out on them, or that they can live as they please without paying the consequences. Carl Rogers, the famed American psychologist, entered UnionTheological Seminary in 1924.While there he joined a semi- nar designed to explore religious doubts. Rogers, later commenting concerning the group, stated, “The majority of members . . . in thinking their way through questions they had raised, thought them- selves right out of religious work. I was one.” 2 Sadly, millions upon millions of people will spend eternity in hell because they continue to question God’s free gift of salvation through Christ instead of

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receiving it. Rest assured, Satan is at the root of all the doubts that plague us. Given that truth, let’s move on to the scope of doubt, examin- ing first the confusion Eve displayed by misquoting God after being questioned by the serpent. She claimed God said “You shall not eat from it or touch it, or you will die,” (Genesis 3:3), when nothing was said about touching (see Genesis 2:17). To this day, confusion causes people to deny, grow stagnant in, and even fall away from the faith. Millions have grown up in the church without being grounded in the truth. False teachings flourish because far too many people don’t know what they believe; they know just enough of the Bible to be dangerous, and, like Eve, they misquote or take it out of context. James records this valuable kingdom principle, addressing prayer specifically, “Ask in faith without any doubting, for the one who doubts is like the surf of the sea, driven and tossed by the wind. For that man ought not to expect he will receive anything from the Lord, being a dou- ble-minded man, unstable in all his way” (James 1:6-8). Doubt puts peo- ple in a position of instability and vulnerability, making them more susceptible to false teaching and trendy, shallow spirituality. In Eve’s case, her confusion gave way to temptation. While her ears took in the serpent’s falsehoods, her eyes focused on the forbidden fruit, finding it to be a “delight to the eyes” (3:6). According to Jesus, “The eye is the lamp of the body; so then if your eye is clear, your whole body will be full of light” (Matthew 6:22). Sadly, dark- ness and doubt flood in to our minds when we take our eyes off of a desirable God and shift them to the dangerous things of the world. King David provides a prime example of this. Once, while walking around the roof of his palace, he saw the beautiful Bathsheba bathing (2 Samuel 11:3).Though she was married, he wanted her for himself, a forbidden desire which led to adultery, murder, and a dysfunctional family. Moses warned the Israelites that if they were disobedient

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toward the Lord, they could “Be sure your sin will find you out.” As Jesus said centuries later, “There is nothing covered that will not be revealed, and hidden that will not be known” (Numbers 32:23, Luke 12:2). Adam and Eve learned this the hard way as temptation brought about destruction. Their disobedience, referred to as “original sin,” brought about the fall of man. Initially, they were cast out from the Garden.Add to that the physical and spiritual death sentence they received, which has been inherited by every person born from that point on.This prompted Paul to record, “Through one man sin entered into the world, and death spread to all men, because all sinned,” later adding “In Adam all die” (Romans 5:12, 1 Corinthians 15:22). On a smaller scale, we see the debilitating nature of doubt lived out in the life of the apostle Peter. Once, when the disciples were on the Sea of Galilee, Jesus came walking on the water toward them. Ever the bold one, Peter left the boat and walked on water toward the Lord –performing beautifully until he moved his eyes from Jesus to the water. Sinking into the sea, Peter cried out for help. Jesus pulled him to safety, chiding, “You of little faith, why did you doubt?” (Matthew 14:31). Perhaps hiding out from authorities or grieving over the death of his leader,Thomas missed meeting with fellow disciples and the risen Christ on the night of His resurrection. Hearing later of Jesus’ appearance,Thomas said, “Unless I see in His hands the imprints of nails, and put my finger into the place of the nails, and put my hand into His side, I will not believe.” Days later, asThomas followed up on his challenge, Jesus responded, “Stop doubting and believe” (John 20:27). Do you, likeThomas, find yourself mired in doubt? Perhaps, as with Peter, you’ve shifted your eyes away from Jesus and focused them upon the situation around you. One thing is for certain, God’s desire is that we move beyond the scope of doubt and implement solutions to doubt. That being the case, the obvious first step in dodging doubt is assurance, particularly the assurance of salvation. Note that once Adam and Eve discovered their nakedness and

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experienced shame, they sewed fig leaves together to cover them- selves. Later, “The Lord God made garments of skin for Adam and his wife, and clothed them” (Genesis 3:21). Although this might seem insignificant, it’s a matter of eternal significance.The animal skins provided something the plant leaves did not – blood and sacrifice. Even early in Genesis we can see a vital connection to Christ – the spilling of blood, a sacrifice being made, and His life given to atone for our sins. Figuratively speaking, millions upon millions of people across this land are still trying to cover their sins with leaves – human effort and works of the flesh rather than Christ’s finished work on the Cross. Which begs the question: Has there been a specific time in your life when you asked God to forgive you of your sins and, by faith, received His Son Jesus into your life? Once Jesus challenged Thomas, the former doubter exclaimed, “My Lord and my God!” (John 20:28). Can you confidently make that claim? If not, go to Appen- dix 1 at the back of the book and go through God’s simple steps to salvation. This isn’t something you should be unsure about.TheWord says, “These things I have written to you who believe in the name of the Son of God, so that you may know that you have eternal life” (1 John 5:13). It’s not thinking or hoping, but KNOWING! This assurance is the first line of defense against doubt and seg- ues into the second – confidence. As Scripture challenges, “Do not throw away your confidence, which has a great reward” (Hebrews 10:35). The word in the original language for confidence, parresia, means we display “cheerful courage and boldness,” especially in the area of speech. I love this story about one of my favorite presidents,Ted- dy Roosevelt – a considerably confident man. One day he told his friends how keenly he was anticipating heaven because he looked forward to joining the great choir there. “Why,” he said, “in my mind’s eye I can picture it.There will be 10,000 sopranos,” naming

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several great sopranos of his day. “And 10,000 altos and 10,000 ten- ors,” once again listing some of his era’s greatest singers. “It is going to be tremendous.” “But Mr. President,” someone asked, “What about the basses?” “Oh,” said he with a laugh, “I’m going to sing bass!” 3 That’s the kind of confidence that overpowers and obliterates doubt, provided it’s centered on Christ and not self. Note that this confidence also promises a great reward. Whether in this life or the one to come, abundance is pledged by God to those who remain faithful to Him. Ditch doubt, and claim these powerful words from Paul’s pen: “I can do all things through Him who strengthens me” (Philippians 4:13). Finally, we win the war with doubt by way of obedience. Why should we be surprised by doubt if we’re walking in disobedi- ence? Adam and Eve lived blissfully until they partook of the fruit. After that, they saw their nakedness and hid, afraid of God. Gifted, tall, and handsome, King Saul served as Israel’s first King. Demanded by the people, chosen by God, and anointed by the Spirit, he started out well. But then, in the wake of repeated acts of disobedience, confusion, paranoia, and jealousy consumed him. Worst of all, the Spirit of God left him and an evil spirit took over (1 Samuel 16:14). In the wake of Saul’s debacle, Samuel said, ‘To obey is better than sacrifice” (1 Samuel 15:22). In contrast to Saul’s behavior is that of Mary, the mother of Jesus.When the angel Gabriel announced that, despite her being a virgin, she would give birth to the Savior of the world, she respond- ed, “May it be done to me according to your word” (Luke 1:38). Christ said, “Not everyone who says to Me,‘Lord, Lord,’ will enter the kingdom of heaven, but he who does the will of My Father who is in heaven will enter” (Matthew 7:21). Doing God’s will requires obedience, one of the keys to desisting doubt. One night a house caught fire and a young boy was forced to escape to the roof.With arms outstretched, his father yelled from the ground below, “Jump! I’ll catch you,” realizing this was his boy’s

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only chance of survival.With the lad frozen in fear, covered in a blanket of flames, smoke, and blackness, the father continued to scream, “Jump! I will catch you.” “Daddy, I can’t see you,” said the son. “But I can see you and that’s all that matters,” assured the father. 4 You can’t see God but He can see you. “Faith is the assurance of the things hoped for, and the conviction of things not seen” (Hebrews 11:1).There’s no doubt about that!

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2 The Jeopardy of Jealousy

“Wrath is fierce and anger is a flood, but who can stand before jealousy?” (Proverbs 27:4).

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O nce upon a time there were two shopkeepers who owned and operated stores directly across the street from one another. Bitter rivals, they would carefully track each oth- er’s business, as well as their own. If one made a sale, he would smile triumphantly at his competitor. One night an angel appeared to one of the men in a dream and said, “I will give you anything you ask, but whatever you receive, you competitor will receive twice as much.Would you be rich?You can be very rich, but he will be twice as wealthy. Do you wish to live a long and healthy life?You can, but his life will be longer and healthi- er.What is your desire?” He pondered for a moment, then respond- ed, “Here is my request: Strike me blind in one eye!” 5 According to Scripture, “The heart is more deceitful than all else and is desperately sick,” (Jeremiah 17:9). Perhaps jealously, which has been called the most dangerous emotion on earth, depicts this more than any other human passion gone amok. No wonder

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Solomon wrote, “Wrath is fierce and anger is a flood, But who can stand before jealousy?” (Proverbs 27:4). Our key text for this chapter, Numbers 12:1-15, centers on Moses, a man who stood up under numerous obstacles and adver- saries, jealousy being among them.As the Israelites made their way to the Promised Land, Moses, married a Cushite woman. Soon after she was elevated to such a prominent position, Moses’ sister Miriam and brother Aaron erupted with envy. As we work our way through our key passage and explore the nature of this toxic emotion, observe first the cause of jealousy. I thought at first I would need several sub-points to explain the reasons behind what Shakespeare called “a big green monster,” but it came to me in a single phrase: Jealousy comes when we wish we had, and feel entitled to, something acquired by another; whether it is possessions, talents, or attention. Such was certainly the case with Moses’ siblings, who envi- ously questioned, “Has the Lord indeed spoken only through Moses? Has He not spoken through us as well?”(Numbers 12:2). God, in His providence, chose Moses to lead His people out of Egypt, yet Miriam and Aaron, perhaps because Moses was the youngest, felt like they were being slighted. This brings to mind Joseph from the latter chapters of Gene- sis. Because he was set apart by God and favored by his father Jacob, Joseph was hated by his brothers--so much so that they sold him into slavery. David, who came along centuries later, was also a target of jealousy and disdain.Though the youngest of Jesse’s sons, he too was set apart by God and anointed by Samuel to succeed Saul as King. His oldest brother, Eliab, was furious when David entered the bat- tlefield. Following Goliath’s death, Saul burned with jealousy as his star faded and David’s popularity escalated.As David returned from killing the Philistine giant, the women sang, “Saul has slain his thou- sands, and David his ten thousands” (1 Samuel 18:7).After Jesus’

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resurrection, the unbelieving Jews burned with jealousy when large crowds gathered on the Sabbath to hear Paul proclaim theWord of God to first century churches.The following fable offers further insight into this venomous emotion: The devil was crossing the Libyan desert and

came upon some frustrated junior devils who were tempting a saintly Desert Father. First they tempted him with lustful thoughts.That didn’t work.Then they tried to fill his mind with doubts and fears about his relationship with God, but that didn’t work either. Then they raised questions about the sincerity of his sacrificial lifestyle.Again they were unsuccessful. By this time the junior devils were getting discouraged, and so the devil himself stepped in. “Your methods are much too crude,” he said. “Permit me for a moment.” Approaching the Desert Father he said, “Have you heard the news?Your brother has just been made Bishop of Alexandria.”Almost immediately a scowl of jealousy broke across the saintly man’s face. 6

Candidly speaking, this is something I’ve struggled with in my three decades of serving as a pastor. It’s tough at times hearing about nearby churches reaching and baptizing huge numbers, well beyond those where I have served. Such feelings surface in my writing world as well.Although I’ve had numerous articles published over the years, I’ve yet to hit the NewYorkTimes bestseller list with one of my 11 books. In fact, I’ve yet to land a deal with a publishing house. It’s frustrating to know that it really isn’t the quality of writing that makes the dif- ference, but rather the significance of one’s brand and size of their platform. Of course, the proliferation of social media exasperates the dilemma, which is true not only in ministry, but every facet of life. A steady stream of Facebook posts showcasing burgeoning churches, wonderful spouses, over-achieving children, exotic vacations, and

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other things is bound to stir up feelings of envy and inadequacy over time. We love our winners.As CoachVince Lombardi often said, “Winning isn’t everything, it’s the only thing.” Ricky Bobby coined his own version, claiming, “If you ain’t first, you’re last.” Such is the case in a celebrity-centered culture which values perception over reality, competition over cooperation, and sizzle over steak. If I come across as an embittered curmudgeon, forgive me. I love sports, travel, entertainment, and other recreational activity; yet mourn over the fact that they have become objects of worship rather than outlets for recreation and relaxation. With that in mind, let’s move into the consequences of jealousy, beginning with the two internal effects listed below – some which may require medical attention, which goes beyond my expertise and scope of this writing. Physiological- We may not be struck with leprosy, becoming “white as snow” like Moses’ sister (Numbers 12:10), yet research connects jealousy with certain health problems.According to Jona- than Dvash, a neuroscientist at the University of Haifa, “The sympa- thetic nervous system buckles under the stress of jealousy, quicken- ing the heart and spiking blood pressure.” 7 Eye bags, pimples, hair loss, or weight changes have also been attributed to jealousy. 8 Psychological- B.C. Forbes, founder of Forbes magazine, called jealousy a “mental cancer.” Feelings of depression, bitterness, anxiety, and insecurity, some of which will be addressed as sepa- rate chapters in this book, often occur with those who suffer from jealousy. As previously mentioned, Saul drove himself insane because of his jealousy of David and rebellion toward God.As the Bible says, “An evil spirit from God came upon Saul, and he raved in the midst of the house” (1 Samuel 18:10). He became so obsessed and enraged that he attempted to kill David, an action that signifies the external effects of jealousy.

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Dysfunction in families- Sadly, jealousy rises up and wreaks the greatest havoc among those we love the most. In our text we can see the rift that resulted among Moses and his siblings. Recall my mention of Joseph and his brothers in Genesis. For years, the family floundered in turmoil while his father Jacob, languished in grief, thinking Joseph was dead. Consider the unnamed older brother in Jesus’ parable of The Prodigal Son.The father arranged a banquet when his son, the younger brother gloriously returned home from his rendezvous of rebellion. Everyone was thrilled, except for the older brother, who jealously complained, “Look! For so many years I have been serving you and I have never neglected a command of yours; and yet you have never given me a young goat, so that I might celebrate with my friends” (Luke 15:29). Pastoring multi-generational churches for nearly 30 years, I encountered repeated instances of families that rarely get togeth- er and hardly speak, even those that live in close proximity to one another. Such conflict is often rooted in jealousy. Disrupted fellowship- Observe that “Miriam was shut up outside the camp for seven days, and the people did not move on until Miri- am was received again” (Numbers 12:15). Not only did her sin result in isolation for her, the entire body of people no doubt wrestled with questions and confusion. Often, in these instances, factions develop and sides are chosen.The fact that so many new churches are popping up in strip malls, schools, movies theatres, and other places can no doubt be attributed to jealousy induced disruption of fellowship. Delayed progress- Carefully note that Miriam’s quarantine took a week.As you can see, the Israelites couldn’t break camp and advance until she was restored. Such is the case with jealousy.The Spirit is quenched, the aroma of sweet fellowship fades, and the Kingdom’s progress bogs down. Take Saul, who spent a lot of time and energy pursuing David

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instead of leading the nation. Only when Saul was removed and Da- vid assumed the throne did Israel reach new heights. Death- In extreme and tragic cases, jealousy leads to death. Such elevated envy sparked the first murder when Cain slayed Abel because his sacrifice proved inferior to that of his brother. Joseph’s brothers contemplated taking his life before settling on a less severe plan of action.The Bible records at least 12 different occasions in which Saul tried to kill David. Certainly, no better example of death resulting from jealously stands above that of Jesus.As Scripture records, envy was one of the main reasons the chief priests brought the Lord before Pilate the night before the crucifixion. In this case, it turned out for good, as Jesus went to give His life as payment for our sins. Obviously, I could wrap up this chapter, and fill up the entire book for that matter, with accounts of jealousy leading to death. However, I want to close on a positive note by examining these cures for jealousy. Observe and implement these steps when jealousy raises its ugly head in your life. Confession. We must acknowledge jealousy for what it is – sin, one of the seven deadliest in fact. Noting Miriam’s leprous condition,Aaron turned to Moses and said, “Oh, my lord, I beg you, do not account this sin to us, in which we have acted foolishly and in which we have sinned”(Numbers 12:11). Confession of sin clears the air and cleans the slate.What a joy it is to know: “As far as the east is from the west, So far has He has removed our transgressions from us” (Psalm 103:12). Humility. We get insight into why God chose Moses for this monumental task by observing the reaction to his siblings’ jealou- sy. Rather than retaliate, he prayed that Miriam would be healed from her disease.This comes as no surprise, given he is described as “Very humble, more than any man who was on the face of the earth” (Numbers 12:3).

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Rather than despair or overreact when that cloud of jeal- ousy closes in, give the Lord an opportunity to work through the situation.As theWord says, “Humble yourselves, therefore, under the mighty hand of God, that He may exalt you at the proper time” (1 Peter 5:6). Success is so much sweeter when we know that God paved the way for it. Contentment. Jealousy typically comes when we become dissatisfied with where we are or what we’ve received.We could all learn from the one who said, “I come from the greatest state in the country, the state of contentment.” As Shakespeare wrote in King HenryVI, “My crown is in my heart, not on my head; not decked with diamonds and Indian stones, nor to be seen: my crown is called content, a crown that seldom kings enjoy.” 9 Perhaps the renowned writer had these words from Paul to his young son the ministry in mind: “Godliness with con- tentment is great gain”(1Timothy 6:6, KJV, emphasis added). Diligence. It seems like now, more than ever, we live in an instant success society with no regard for the concept of “delayed gratification.” People want to accomplish in five years what it took the generation before them decades to achieve. I remind myself often of Jesus’ words from the parable of the talents: “Well done, good and faithful slave; you were faithful with a few things, I will put you in charge of many things; enter into the joy of your master” (Matthew 25:21). Resistance. “Resist the devil and he will flee from you” (James 4:7). Let’s face it, there comes those times when you simply need to “go off the grid.” I took Facebook off my phone and rarely look at it for reasons mentioned earlier in this chapter. It’s not that I’m being a spoiled sport or sore loser, I just found it to be mentally advantageous to make such a move. Celebration. The Bible tells us to: “Rejoice with those who rejoice” (Romans 12:15). Difficult though it may be, join in the festivities when others gain prominence, power, or possessions,

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even though you may have missed out. “Treat others the same way you want them to treat you” (Luke 6:31), right? Make a call, drop a handwritten note, or better yet, personally congratulate someone for their success. The godly Scottish preacher Andrew Bonar penned a diary en- try. He wrote, “This day 20 years ago I preached for the first time as an ordained minister. It is amazing that the Lord has spared me and used me at all. I have no reason to wonder that He used others far more than He does me.Yet envy is my hurt, and today I have been seeking grace to rejoice exceedingly over the usefulness of others, even where it cast me into the shade. Lord, take away this envy from me.” 10 Rather than allow jealousy to drag you into despondency and dysfunction, let it motivate and lift you to a closer walk with God and greater service for Him.

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3 Only the Lonely

“I have become lonely like a bird on a housetop” (Psalm 102:7).

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ock and Roll Hall of Famer Roy Orbison, who ranked #13 on the list of Rolling Stone magazine s “100 Great- est Singers of All Time,” burst on the scene with his hit, “Only the Lonely,” which he wrote along with Joe Melson. Rising to #2 on Billboard Magazine’s top pop hits in July of 1960, this tune opens with: Only the lonely Know the way I feel Only the lonely Know this feeling ain’t right. 11 Roy was right.That feeling ain’t right. But it sure is common. Whether it be the loss of a girlfriend, or 100 other reasons, loneli- ness is rampant.Why else would a website like RentAFriend.com exist?Whether you need a companion for a movie, desire to learn a new hobby, or just need someone to talk to, all you have to do is log on and get started. For $10.00 an hour, perhaps even less, a strictly platonic relationship can be arranged through RentAFriend (which is

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not a dating or escort service, but simply a friendship business). 12 Vicky (not her real name), a 31-year-old talkative type who never meets a stranger, is making a living as a “Friend for Hire.” She keeps an online profile at RentAFriend.com where strangers can view her profile and get her phone number. “The thing with these people is they just want someone to listen, like a presence. It’s not about me. I’m just this… thing, this person, that’s there for reassur- ance.” 13 As unorthodox as this may sound to some, it’s an unsurprising development given the society in which we live. Country music icon Waylon Jennings admitted, “The world that I live in is empty and cold.The loneliness cuts me and tortures my soul.” 14 “If I’m a legend, why am I so lonely?” questioned actress and singer Judy Garland. Albert Einstein candidly commented, “It is strange to be known so universally and yet to be so lonely.” 15 Although these quotes come from modern times, loneliness has been around since the beginning of time. John Milton, 17 th cen- tury English author of Paradise Lost, stated, “Loneliness is the first thing which God’s eye named no good.” 16 As the Bible says, “It is not good for the man to be alone; I will make a helper suitable for him” (Genesis 2:18). Loneliness is no respecter of persons, crossing gender, ethnic, cultural, and economic barriers. Being in a position of power and au- thority doesn’t insulate one from such a state, in fact, it often times accentuates loneliness. David, ruler over the vast kingdom of Israel and “man after God’s own heart,” candidly admitted, “I resemble a pelican of the wilderness; I have become like an owl of the waste places. I lie awake, I have become like a lonely bird on a housetop” (Psalm 102:6,7). Examining this tormentor of the soul, let’s begin by discuss- ing what loneliness isn’t. First, loneliness isn’t the same as being lonesome . You can be lonesome without being lonely. Leaving the familiarities of a town I lived in my entire life, I was lonesome as a

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college freshman three hours away from home. However, I wasn’t lonely. In fact, I quickly made new friends and found myself invigo- rated by my studies, activities, and new surroundings. Also, loneliness isn’t synonymous with solitude . It would be- hoove us, in fact, to break away from the noise and confusion of life and get alone with God. Jesus often sought solitude, withdrawing from the crowds into secluded places. (See Matthew 14:13, Mark 1:12, 1:45, 14:32.American poet and novelist May Sarton said, “Loneliness is the poverty of self; solitude is the richness of self.” 17 Finally, loneliness isn’t the same as isolation . You can very easily experience loneliness in a crowd. Quite frankly, crowds often enhance loneliness. Having touched on what loneliness isn’t, allow me to make a brief statement about what it is: “Loneliness is a painful sense of being unwanted, unneeded, uncared for, maybe even unnecessary.” 18 With that in mind, let’s explore what creates loneliness. Grief- Once again, King David serves as a prime example. At times, it seemed as though he spent as much time hiding out from enemies as he did reigning on his throne.These words give an indication of the pain he felt when his son Absalom seized David’s throne and contemplated killing him: “O Lord, how my adversaries have increased! Many are rising up against me. Many are saying of my soul, ‘There is no deliverance for him in God”(Psalm 3:1-2). In the summer of 2016, my mother passed away at the age of 86. She and my dad, who shared a strong love and were certainly a team, had been married 65 years. Needless to say, he grieved heavily, having no desire to live, sitting alone in his house day after day. He’s since moved into an assisted living facility, where, I’m happy to say, he’s made a vast improvement. He still misses mom, yet enjoys the company of the other residents. Rejection- For many, what has become a maze of loneliness started with rejection.The prophet Jeremiah served four decades, spanning the reign of five kings. Known as “the weeping prophet,”

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it’s not unusual to read about him trapped in a muddy cistern or locked up in stocks. He experienced little success by today’s stan- dards, as these words indicate: “Oh Lord,You have deceived me and I was deceived;You have overcome me and prevailed. I have become a laughingstock all day long; Everyone mocks me” (Jeremiah 20:7). Can you imagine the humiliation and loneliness Moses felt after failing at his first attempt at leadership? Defending a Hebrew brother, he murdered an Egyptian and ran for his life in the Midian desert, where he remained for 40 years (Exodus 2:11-15). Countless people derailed by tragedies, failures, addictions, and other afflictions retreat into their shell and pine away in obscuri- ty, afraid to reenter the battle.They resonate with Job, who lament- ed, “He has removed my brother far from me,And my acquaintances are completely estranged from me. My relatives have failed,And my intimate friends have forgotten me” (Job 19:13-14). Inferiority- People who feel in their mind they don’t belong, don’t measure up, or aren’t good enough often insulate themselves rather than connecting with friends and family. Sadly, most are vic- tims of perception rather than reality. Called by God at the burning bush, Moses questioned, “Who am I that I should go,” then commenting, “I have never been elo- quent…I am slow of speech and slow of tongue” (Exodus 3:11, 4:10). I never cease to be amazed at people who feel unprepared and incapable for service, despite the fact that the Holy Spirit stands prepared to minister through them. A man went to a psychiatrist and complained about an infe- riority complex.After listening for a while, the doctor gave him the good news/bad news diagnosis. “The good news,” said the doctor, “Is that you don’t have a complex.The bad news is – you are inferior!” 19 Far too many fledgling souls have been told that lie belched from the bowels of hell and bought into it. Self-Centeredness- Ironically, a person that thinks too highly of himself can end up in the same place as the one with a low

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opinion; and thus, alienated from those around them. Cain comes to mind as such a person. Having no regard for anyone but himself, Cain murdered his brother, later answering God, “Am I my brother’s keeper?” (Genesis 4:9).Although his life was spared, he went out from the presence of the Lord as a wandering vagrant east of Eden in the land of Nod. “No life is so empty as one self-centered and no life is so centered as one self-emptied” said Adrian Rogers. Early 20 th century preacher Harry Emerson Fosdick quipped, “A person wrapped up in himself make a small package.” Depersonalization of society- The depersonalization that defines our high tech/low touch society, heightened by an ever-ex- panding technological boom, fuels the fires of loneliness.While a monumental amount of communication exchange and information distribution is taking place, it’s primarily electronic and impersonal in nature, void of voice and eye contact. After living 17 years on three acres in a no-growth region in Northwest Georgia, we recently moved into a sprawling new subdi- vision in west metro Atlanta. I was excited at first, thinking I would quickly get to know my neighbors and make lots of new friends. Needless to say, it hasn’t turned out that way. I look at many of the houses on our block and wonder if anybody actually lives in them. Having thoroughly examined what causes loneliness, let’s reverse that, exploring what loneliness causes, looking first at distorted thinking. As assumption chips away at actuality, a person will start thinking they don’t matter and no one cares –it’s them against the world. Elijah, whom we’ll discuss at length in a later chapter, is a prime example. Sinking into depression after a major victory over the prophets of Baal on Mt. Carmel, he whined before God, “I have been very zealous for the Lord…And I alone am left” (1 Kings 19:10) –when in fact 7,000 other Israelites remained faithful along with Elijah (1 Kings 19:18).

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Truth be told, I’ve struggled in this area throughout my minis- try. I wonder if I’m to blame if someone quits the church after years of faithful service. If someone seems more distant than usual, I think I may have offended them in some way. Destructive fallout- Like aforementioned jealousy, and oth- er emotions (to be discussed in chapters to follow), loneliness trig- gers devastative results, the first being physical breakdown. A study at a major hospital of patients who suffered heart attacks showed, “Forty percent . . . testified to being depressed or lonely a few days or weeks before the attack. Loneliness leads to “suicide, alcoholism, and a number of other serious health problems,” 20 as well as “fatigue, loss of appetite, or overeating.” 21 Emotional breakdown often invades the lonely too. “One survey showed that eighty percent of psychiatric patients sought help because of loneliness.” 22 Certainly, loneliness played a part in Saul’s mental demise previously mentioned. Finally, spiritual breakdown results from loneliness.At an especially difficult time in his life, David questioned, “How long, O Lord?Will you forget me forever? How long willYou hideYour face from me?” (Psalm 13:1).Tragically, many believers fall into that same pit of unbelief. Some believe the lie that “If I’m lonely, I must not have enough faith.” Others question God’s love, or like David, feel as though He has forgotten them. Let’s conclude on a positive note by analyzing two factors involved in managing loneliness. The first factor is establishing spiritual identity. Like Elijah, a victim of distorted thinking, David prayed from a cave, “Look to the right and see; For there is no one who regards me;There is no escape for me; Nor one cares for my soul.” Fortunately, he quickly rebounded by saying “I cried out to You, O Lord; I said, ‘You are my refuge, My portion in the land of the living’” (Psalm 142:4,5). If you’ve received Christ as your Savior, you’re a Child of the King. God loves you and longs to hear from you. Meditate on this

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promise from God: “IWILL NEVER LEAVEYOU, NORWILL I EVER FORSAKEYOU” (Hebrews 13:5). With full assurance that vertical connection between you and God is secure through Christ, next, give careful attention to the second factor in managing loneliness, experiencing spiritual com- munity. It begins with an awareness and understanding of the three basic needs we all possess. First, we need to be loved and to love. “Faith, hope, love, abide these three; but the greatest of these is love” (1 Corinthians 13:13). Nowhere is this truer than the battle against loneliness. Next, we must be understood.After all, aren’t most of us just looking to connect with people who “get us” and comprehend where we’re coming from and how we feel? And then, we all yearn to be needed.All God’s children have something to offer and contribute. Loneliness doesn’t stand a chance against someone who has found their groove and is making things better for those around them. Those who insulate and seclude themselves from others miss the joy of koinonia, that special communion and fellowship enjoyed exclusively by those who belong to the body of Christ.As an old Swedish proverb says “Shared joy is doubled joy, shared sorrow is half a sorrow.” “No man is an island unto himself.”Yes, we are our brother’s keeper. Nothing carries more significance in Christian community than service to others. Loneliness lifts like a morning fog when we lend a hand to others in Jesus’ name. While leaving England by ship, a famous British writer no- ticed the other passengers waving to loved ones on shore. He then rushed down to the dock asking a young lad, “Would you wave to me if I paid you?” Of course the lad agreed. So the writer rushed back on the ship, waving leaned over the rail, thrilled to have some- one to wave to.And sure enough, there was the young fellow waving back to him! 23 There’s no need to pay someone to wave to you, or even rent

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a friend for that matter, when there’s One who’s already paid it all and yearns to be your friend.

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4 Anger’s Dangers

“A fool gives full vent to his anger, but a wise man holds it in check” (Proverbs 29:11, CSB).

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S everal years ago, Hall of Famer Mickey Mantle and former Yankee Manager Billy Martin went to south Texas to go deer hunting on the ranch of one of Mantle’s friends. When they arrived, Mickey said, “You stay in the car. I’ll go in and talk to my buddy, and we’ll go right out and hunt.” Once they greeted, the owner said to Mickey, “Heck, Mickey, you can hunt all over my place, but would you do me a favor? I have a pet mule who’s going blind, and I don’t have the guts to kill the poor fellow.Would you kill him for me?” Mickey agreed, but decided to play a joke on Martin, coming out and slamming the door like he was mad. When Billy asked what the problem was, Mickey said, “He won’t let us hunt here.” “You’ve got to be kidding,” said Martin. “No, I ‘m not,” fumed Mantle, “and I’m so mad that I’m going to go by the barn and shoot his mule.” “Mickey, you can’t shoot that man’s mule.”

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“The heck I ain’t,” Mantle replied, “I’m gonna kill that mule” Once they found the mule, Mickey took his rifle and pow, shot the mule dead. Turning around and seeing Martin’s rifle smok- ing, Mantle asked, “What the heck are you doing?” “I got two of his cows,” answered Billy. 24 One can’t help but chuckle over such a story, understanding, of course, that outbursts of anger are typically no laughing matter.As theWord records, “Do not associate with a man given to anger; Or go with a hot-tempered man. Do not be eager in your heart to be angry, For anger resides in the bosom of fools (Proverbs 22:24, Ec- clesiastes 7:9). Ben Franklin adds, “Anger is never without a reason, but seldom a good one.” 25 I realize there is a time and place for us to demonstrate righteous anger, understanding as well that God both possesses and expresses anger.Yet, for our purposes here let’s stick with anger as a negative emotion--one which you’ll discover on numerous occasions throughout Scripture. Most often, we see anger expressed between people, but at times, people also got angry with God.Whatever the case, it rarely ends well. The Bible says, “Cease from anger and forsake wrath; Do not fret; it leads only to evildoing” (Psalms 37:8).As Ben Franklin also quipped, “Whatever is begun in anger ends in shame.” 26 Anger, along with jealousy, caused Cain to kill his brother Abel. Centuries later, in a fit of rage, David’s son Absalom killed his half- brother Amnon because he raped Absalom’s sisterTamar.This paved the way for a plot that eventually led to Absalom’s death. This chapter will focus on a character known for being swal- lowed by a big fish, but anger played heavily in his life. Jonah, the 9 th Century prophet of Israel was called by God to go to Nineveh and preach to that wicked city. In disobedience, he headed by boat in the opposite direction. Soon a storm began and Jonah was thrown over- board and swallowed by a big fish. Three days later, he was vomited up on dry land. Given a second chance, the reluctant prophet went

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to Nineveh and preached. God then blessed and revival came with 120,000 Ninevites repenting. Oddly enough the Bible states this wonderful response, “Greatly displeased, Jonah and he became angry” (Jonah 4:1). Jonah was a devoted Jew who did not like the idea of God extending His love, acceptance, compassion, and forgiveness to these pagan Gentiles. But rather than get hung up on “why” Jonah was upset, let’s focus on the “whats” that resulted, examining the following four dangers associated with anger. First, anger will steal your joy. One would think that Jonah would have been thrilled over such a mighty movement of God, but instead of saying, “Wow, thank you God, what a blessing,” he expressed woe to God being kind, compassionate, and wanting to spare the Ninevites. He allowed his personal prejudice to nullify what should have been a great celebration. I keep a little clipping in my illustration file that says, “Joy demonstrated in the lives of Christians in every area is the #1 factor that attracts unsaved people to church.” Knowing that, the devil, who “Comes only to steal and kill and destroy,” (John 10:10), is go- ing to do everything in his power to disrupt your walk with Christ. If you’re a Christian, he can’t take that away, since you’re protected by the blood of Jesus and firmly gripped by His nail-scarred hands. He can, however, steal your joy with irritation, frustration, and an- ger as his weapons of choice. Angry believers often do more harm than good. Lost people look at them as if to say, “If that’s an example of what a Christian is, I don’t want any part of it.” I’ve seen many church-goers over the years, plenty of them faithful attenders, some even carrying Bibles the size of the Atlanta phone book, looking as if they just took a big swig of pickle juice. Anger often plays a role in these cases. Note, too, anger will drain your energy. As Scripture says, after his time in Nineveh, “Jonah went out from the city and sat

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east of it.There he made a shelter for himself and sat under it in the shade . . .” (Jonah 4:5).While preaching and walking through the city for three days wore him out, anger certainly exasperated the issue. Israel’s King Ahab, the husband of Jezebel who served during the time of Elijah, is another example of someone who let anger get the best of him.When he didn’t receive the vineyard he coveted from Naboth the Jezreelite, he went home “sullen and vexed.”There, “He lay down on his bed and turned away his face and ate no food” (1 Kings 21:4). Candidly speaking, on those unfortunate occasions when an- ger has gotten the best of me, I’m physically and emotionally drained at the end of the day.At times, such events rob me of sleep, which only compounds the problem. Left unchecked, as with many other emotions we are exam- ining, anger can even be fatal.Take for example 18 th century British physician John Hunter, a pioneer in his field of medicine, who served as surgeon to King George III and also suffered from angina.Ac- knowledging that his attacks were often brought on by anger, Hunter lamented, “My life is at the mercy of any scoundrel who chooses to put me in a passion.”These words proved prophetic, for at a meeting of the board of St. George’s Hospital in London, Hunter got into a heated argument with other board members, walked out, and dropped dead in the next room. 27 Observe next that anger will cloud your vision .Trying to maintain focus while in a state of anger is like looking at oneself in a steamy mirror.The artist Leonardo daVinci learned this the hard way.While working on his paintingThe Last Supper:

He became angry with a man, lost his temper, and lashed out bitterly at him. Back at his canvas he attempted to continue his work on the face of Jesus but was so upset that he couldn’t compose himself for the delicate task. Finally he put down his brush, sought out the man, and asked his forgiveness.With apology accepted the artist was able to return to his workshop

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and finish painting the face of Jesus. 28 What cataracts do to the eyes, anger does to the soul.We see this fleshed out in the life of Jonah through his following two actions. First, he jumped to conclusions, a reaction very similar to distorted thinking that was explained in the last chapter. Jonah’s emotions became so entangled that he prayed, “Oh Lord, please take my life from me, for death is better to me than life” (Jonah 4:3). These words are similar to those of Job, who vented the following in the wake of his suffering, “Why did I not die at birth, Come forth from the womb and expire? (Job 3:11).Though these men couldn’t have been serious, this reveals what can be thought and said while under duress. For example, Job later lamented, “I loathe my life; I will give full vent to my complaint. Is it right forYou indeed to oppress, to reject the labor ofYour hands,And to look favorably on the schemes of the wicked? Have you eyes of flesh? Or do you see as man sees? (10:1-3). Obviously, God won’t reject His own work, since He is per- fect and makes no mistakes and He’ll never look favorably on wick- edness and evil.Yet, it’s not unusual for us, given our sinful state, to take a distorted view of His actions. See also that Jonah majored on the minors by getting his priorities all out of whack. Demonstrating care and compassion and in the midst of the hot sun, God provided a plant for Jonah, “To deliver him from his discomfort,” yet, “Jonah was extremely happy about the plant” (Jonah 4:6).That makes no sense. Jonah is mad about the fact that the entire population of Nineveh repented of their sins, but was thrilled about a plant. So, did the physical comfort of Jonah take precedent over the spiritual condition of tens of thousands? This brings to mind Naaman, captain of King Aram’s army in the time of Elisha. Diseased with leprosy, Namaan was sent by his

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