ManageYourEmotionsBook8.5x5.5_RevJULY.indd

a pet, friendship, a home, and even a car. I remember grieving after trading in my trusty Honda Civic decades ago. I bought it salvaged for $6,000 and sold it for $3,000 a hundred thousand miles later. Grief is best understood by the stages in which it occurs. The most popular model for these steps, “Five Stages of Grief,” 106 was introduced in 1969 by Swiss-American psychiatrist Elisabeth Kubler-Ross in her book On Death and Dying (see below).Though these steps were originally based on studies of terminally ill patients, they have come to be applied to negative life changes and losses in general. Denial – “This can’t be happening to me” is a common first response to loss. In a state of shock and denial, the griever goes numb. Life makes no sense in this meaningless and overwhelming state in which they find themselves. Soon, the feelings that have been suppressed begin to surface, paving the way for these other steps. Anger – Once reality has sunk in, some will start asking “why?” – perhaps even looking for someone to blame, especially if the death was sudden and unexpected.Although painful and unpre- dictable, such anger is often necessary in the healing process. Bargaining –Though this applies more to the dying patient, it can certainly take place in the aftermath of loss.The griever at- tempts to regain control by way of the “if onlys.” “If only I had been a nicer person” or “if only we had sought medical attention sooner.” “Guilt often accompanies bargaining.We start to believe there is something we could have done differently to have helped save our loved one.” 107 Depression – At this point, the phone calls and sympathy cards are few and far between.At a time we need people the most, most have moved on.A person becomes very vulnerable to demonic attack during this stage. Acceptance – Healthy grieving leads us to this point. Not ev- eryone makes it here, but if they do, it’s a time when they’ve accept-

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